I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
