saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
