Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
