Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
