My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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