Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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