I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
