you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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