OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
