I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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