Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
