The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
