Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
