They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
