So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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