wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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