what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
