Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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