Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
