I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
