I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
