Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
