I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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