She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Too much gin, very little bucket
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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