Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
