Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
