Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
