im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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