Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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