Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I have fence marks all over my body
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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