come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I understand Curling. That high.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
