You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
