If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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