if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
