Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
