explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Holy sore nipples Batman
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
