My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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