Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
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so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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