I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
