I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
