the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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