Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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