Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Of course I have a pirate flag
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
