i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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