Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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