Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
