Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
