he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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