When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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