i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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