we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
