You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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