she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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