He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
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