Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
