Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
