the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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