If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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