Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
