I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
