Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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