Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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