she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
