its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
