I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
tell me about the fingering
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