Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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