Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
