i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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