i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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