Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize