I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
ttyl tear gas
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
is it fun? or sober?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
