Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
