I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
