When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
