Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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