Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
