the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
