We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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