After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
