I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
