I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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