Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
