Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
