I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
