if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just had sex on a roof
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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