i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
