I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
